So this weekend I went up to spend a night in London with an old friend at his mates birthday party. We had a great time; we went to some overpriced club, wore smart clothes, and drank overpriced drinks that we couldn’t really afford. But for all that, I felt like I was in some grotty club back home; the same music, the same dance moves, the same atmosphere. The same men.
So this guy has been talking to me a bit and asks me if I want a drink. I find him a bit creepy so I tell him he can buy me one if he likes, but he’d better know I’m not going to sleep with him. He laughs, buys me a drink and starts putting his arm around me and getting a bit too friendly. So I introduce him to my (male) friend and leg it to the toilets to get away from him. I leave the toilets a bit later hoping I can slip off to some other area of the club and avoid him, but he has apparently brought my friend a drink and is waiting for me at the bar right outside the toilet door. He says, come with me, and pulls me into the men’s. Before he can get to a cubicle a security guard has us both pinned up against the sinks and is calling into his tannoy for back up.
I plead with the security guard to let me go, telling him how I don’t know the man, he dragged me in and I don’t want to be in here with him. More guards turns up, they let me go and I go back to my friend, a bit shaken. Within two minutes the man is back behind me apologising and asking for my number, and he keeps bugging me for my number until we leave.
Why the hell was a man who tried to drag a drunk girl into a toilet cubicle against her will not thrown out of the bloody club? What on Earth did he say to the (male) security guards in those two minutes when I wasn’t there? And what the hell would have happened to me if the security guard wasn’t there?
The whole incident left me beyond angry. He’s not the first guy to try this on with me or any other girl and he won’t be the last; there is a certain breed of male who won’t take no for an answer, who thinks “no” is an invitation to feel a girl up and who just won’t go away no matter what happens, who think its OK to have that kind of guy in your club and not to throw him out. And this sort of male needs to learn.
That kind of behaviour really makes me angry. That guy is one (very small) step away from being a sex offender and he shouldn’t just have been chucked out of the club he should have been talked to by the police.
Men like that need to be forced to confront the full repercussions of their actions. Unfortunately in British society it is the victims of sexual violence that are more likely to suffer for it.
http://i276.photobucket.com/albums/kk34/feministing/takebackthenight.jpg
As for him not being chucked out, I would imagine he indulged in a bit of victim blaming with the bouncers; the usual “she lead me on” or “she was drinking so that makes it alright” bullshit.
I think you should complain to the management of the club; they have a duty of care to ensure that people do not come to harm in their establishment. The bouncers should lose their job, there is no excuse for sexual assault to be allowed in a public location with people around, especially people whose responsibility is security.
“That guy is one (very small) step away from being a sex offender…”
I’d go a bit further than that. What he was doing should have got him battered with an iron bar.
To be fair to the bouncers, it can be very difficult to get an idea of what’s going on. I bet they hear all kinds of excuses about y ppl are in the toilets.
Brigid, have you reported this? Next time there could be a less ‘happy’ ending for the next girl. I mean just giving the police a description for their records could be extremely usefull if this guy does this often.
I do intend to report it to the club managers, I haven’t had the chance over the last few days for various reasons. I agree with you on the bouncer point, I imagine he knew very well how to get himself off the hook. I’d had a lot to drink by this stage so wasn’t thinking as logically as may have been; had I been a bit more sober I don’t think I’d have just let him get away without trying to get him thrown out there and then.