Maxwell Ramsay was today arrested on suspicion of perversion and gross misconduct after a local newspaper leaked photographs of the seemingly respectable BULS Website Editor entering a Fetish Society meeting several months ago.  Ramsay (62) is due to appear before Guild Court Marshall later this week.  Earlier in the day, however, an obviously intoxicated Ramsay had this to say:

“The photographical evidence that the Guild received is an extreme and deliberate misrepresentation of my character.  I am a decent, God fearing, family man, who doesn’t care to be insulted in such a manner.  I can say for certain that I have the full support of my wife and daughters, friends and, most importantly, all the Society’s committee members not currently in enforced exile.  Good day.”

It should come as little surprise that Maximo Ramsay has turned to drink and the strain of the past week, which culminating in his ultimate arrest, clearly showed.  In fact, today’s disastrous statement was just one of a series of gaffs that have plagued the aspiring salad chef and politician since his election.  A now famous incident involved Mr Ramsay being ejected by local Tesco Supermarket security for sleepwalking (barefooted and wearing pajamas) into the store, being just one of many.  New Guild Chairman, Tom Guise, who was recently catapulted into power through a well orchestrated, but highly secretive, coup had this to say:

“Maximilian Ramsay is a disgrace to entire Guild community.  It is vital we remain united if we are to survive the coming war!  The weak shall perish at our hands and through our common endeavour we shall achieve victory!  We must join together in solidarity to give each of us the means to reach our full potential.  We shall live together, freely, in unity and in strength!  Maximilian has put rancours in the vessel of our peace, a cup clos’d in my true love’s hand, it is the poison’d cup, but not yet too late!  For we shall destroy him, he who is so full of sound and fury, signifying nothing and so nothing will come of nothing to be nothing for he is nothing!  Thank you very much.”

Despite the muted applause following Guise’s statement, the political future of Maxim Ramsay is certainly uncertain.  Many have speculated that his chances of success in the impeding elections are low, while mutterings have also been heard of sabotage and a bookstore fronting a money laundering operation.  Perhaps the truth of this strange affair will never be truly uncovered…

OJ.